you cant fuck the sad cavepaintings from ice age. we’ve veered off into all kinds of obscure animated territory during this blog’s uh, several months of existence, i dunno, thats just a guess, im not good at measuring time, no need to jump up my ass about it, christ. what im saying it seems appropriate at this juncture to begin re-exploring more familiar, well-known properties and how theres no way you can get intimate with anything in them buddy, no way in hell. cant you see this mammoth is trying to have a moment with his fake dead family what live on the wall. cant your gratification wait until the end of his backstory. you fuck. i havent seen ice age in a long time and i have no idea what i even think of it. did you know nicki minaj was in the third one
you cant fuck the grinch. he really is a heel. hes as cuddly as a cactus. hes as charming as an eel. hes a bad banana with a greasy black peel. hes a monster. his heart’s an empty hole. his brain is full of spiders. hes got garlic in his soul. you shouldnt touch him with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. hes a vile one, old friend old pal. he has termites in his smile. he has all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile. given the choice between the two of them you should take the seasick crocodile (you cant fuck that either). hes a foul one. hes a nasty, wasty skunk. his heart is full of unwashed socks. his soul is full of gunk. the three words that best describe him are, and i quote: “stink. stank. stunk.” hes a rotter. hes the king of sinful sots. his heart’s a dead tomato splot with mouldy purple spots. his soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots. he should nauseate you, buddy. with a nauseas super-naus. he’s a crooked jerky jockey and he drives a crooked horse. old chum of mine, he’s a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce.
(I WILL BE REQUIRING TWENTY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS TO COMPLETE THIS POST. SINCE ITS CHRISTMAS AND LIKE SEVEN HUNDRED OF YOU FUCKERS KEEP SENDING ME MESSAGES ABOUT WHY I SHOULD DO A POST ABOUT THIS not-an-animated-property-from-a-certain-amount-of-time-ago BASTARD I DECIDED TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE PREVIEW TASTER FREE OF CHARGE. MY PALPAL ADDRESS IS CAHNNIEDEADLINE@YAHOO.UK HAPPY GOD DAMN HOLIDAYS)
you cant fuck brook my good mate. Why you wanna, i dont get it, he doesnt have blood, skin, or organs, let alone genitals. he’s pretty much just slash and jimi hendrix’s fencing piano man skeleton lovechild, and there is no one who can get off to that, even if you think you can. again, even if you stuck your dick in his hipbone or whatever, youll just hvae to listen to an hour of “it appears we are BONE-ing! Yohohohohoho!”. he never cums. he doenst even have any dick, or semen, or ass, or throat, or tongue. your dick is gonna be soft as a pile of silly putty after hearing all that shit. youre never gonna get an erection again. you just gotta keep listening to shitty bone puns, and fuck, you deserve it for wanting to fuck goddamn billie joel sing us a song youre the piano man slash jimi hendrix experience tophat wearing fencing singing bone pun yelling singing hallmark motherfucker skeleton. youre a goddamn mess, charlie “anon” brown
Yeah but brook can stick his boney fingers up my ass
“Is that rigor mortis or are you happy to see me?” ~ Brook, probably
“Come on, that was humerus!” ~ Brook, after getting slapped for above remark
Look kids, i get it pal, i guess jack skellington hurt this generation more than ol’ timbo wanted, but you just cant fuck that skeleton. Those fingers are sharp as razors, you try to fuck him he’s just gonna take your panties and leave. the guys a superstar. he doesnt have time to fuck anyone, hes gotta sign tshirts and take $15 selfies with fans, Let him him, pal
you cant fuck bepo. i dont see why youd want to, considering he’s a fucking polar bear, who knows karate, but you cant. first of all, hes a polar bear. second of all, he knows karate. third of all, look at em chompers. hes gonna bite ya dick clean off charles
you cant fuck silvers rayleigh. first of all, unless he’s haki training his dick, that things gonna turn right to dust the second you touch this crusty fucker. secondle the only person hes allegedly shown attraction to is keimi, who is a literal fucking mermaid, adn i doubt you can satisfy this kinky bastards fishy fantasies. the guys a weirdo with a crusty dust dick. dont fuck him. you just cant.
you DEFINITELY cant fuck this guy. you may be thinkin, “but cantfuck, my good sir, what is possibly unfuckable about this middle aged tall glass of water?” everything, pal. Sir Crocodile is one of the least fuckable people around. first of all, his name is Crocodile, which leads us to his potential scaley background. 0 points for griffynfuck right now, second of shit this guys like 8 ft tall. his veiny dick is probably bedazzled too, judging from his general fashion sense, and its probably as big as your forearm, meaning any penetration with this slimey fuckers gonna end up in instant goddamn death probably. also, blaringly obvious, the fucking hook. you hit on him, hes shoving it through your titties like he did with our good buddy Monkey D. Luffy, you may have heard of him. one night with this guy and youre dried out like beef jerky. hes not even got any reason to try and suck your dick, you arent gifting him political power, you arent hiding him from the government in your sac, hes just gonna shoot his sand cum inside your body and dry you out from the inside. crocodile is goddamn cold blooded,. thats a reptile joke, as we do in the business, here at the “you-cant-fuck-one-piece-characters-kinkshame” headquarters. you cant fuck him, alright
He can turn me into beef jerky from the inside out and throw me away when he is done torturing me with terrible jokes
KuHAHAHAHAHHAHA cum sand in my eyes I don’t give a fuck
That is a death I can accept
Fist. Me. Daddy.
Maybe I want sand in my ass.
What part of ya cant fuck him sounds debatable? my good man crocoboy here is hiding from the government, this sandy pile of shit has no time for anything but running and bro time w his fellow runaway, our good friend daz bones, this guy cant and wont fuck you. you cant fuck sir crocodile
chococum 